Friday, January 28, 2011

Its a new day

A time has past since the infamous defeat. the ridicule and disappointment has still not Left me. A close friend of mine summed up the sentiment recently: we would never have been able to speak to you had you have won!!!!!! haha. i wonder if that isn't very true or not. To be honest the strange thing is i feel twice as strong physically now as i did on the night of the fight. i defiantly over trained, i think to that there is no doubt. i was warned about it but when i do something i really do go hammer and tongs and cant just do something slowly. i over judge the strength of my body and self and believe that i can do anything and probably i pushed myself to far...

To be honest the biggest thing i missed was this... the constant ability to write what i was thinking . its a pretty good therapy to vent all of your thoughts at the end of the day into the world wide web. The funny thing was i thought no one was reading it. it s only when i was finished i realised how many people were actually reading it. i suppose its a strange thing to read somebody Else's thoughts. not only to properly open up and write them down which is pretty mental in the first place but actually read somebodies inner most secrets and feelings. you almost feel like you are cheating on that person. you are in their head i suppose. somewhere you should not be. you are trespassing. so what does that say about me? maybe i need this to explain myself. the reason i am who am. the reason i do what i do...i have no filter anyway. i say stuff you think. i say stuff you don't dare to say. i find stuff that is funny but shouldn't be.... that's not my fault and i don't apologise for it. grow some balls and think it yourself.

Anyway so day one of this finds me sitting at home on a friday evening sitting here bored. remembering the days i used to get so high even god was beneath me in the cellar. still trying to work my arse off in the gym to become the best footballer in the world and still believing i can be. I never wanted a life in a box. i always wanted to play football. i still want that. at some point i have to let go of the dream and work with what i have . the problem is everything i want to do has no money in it.. it sucks!!!!

so off to bed now and sleep. dreams of how to pay off all my debts and how to get through tomorrow looms... nothing is easy but how fun would life be if it was simple?

sleep is good,,,,not just for the weak.....

Monday, September 20, 2010

The End!

Day Finish ready!

So I've left a good couple of days to write my final episode of this... I did it for several reasons. One being the annoyance with myself for being under par. The other because i wanted to reflect on everything that happened..I think the most annoying thing is that i know i lost. There is no question that i did and that gets to me. I'm not going to pull out any excuses why i lost. I don't deserve that and i couldn't have done any more! I have been given a lot of support after the fight which has been really nice. A lot of commiserations and kind words which has been brilliant.... But the simple truth was that on the night he was better than me. End of. I just couldn't get myself up for some reason. I don't know why! I didn't have this adrenaline rush everyone was going on about! I didn't have fear. I didn't have nerves. It was strange. I could have walked into the ring with mike Tyson and i would have done the same. Maybe i was over owed by the occasion but i don't think i was. Maybe in the back of my mind i felt like i was gonna lose, but i didn't think that was it either. His punching was a lot better than i had ever seen it and he was far more fitter than he usually was.. On the night he seemed to find what i didn't. I felt heavy and out of breath very quickly. I don't know if its cas he hit me in the nose early on and i couldn't breath though anything but my mouth...Strange. Like the animal i am i played football the next day (scored the winner against the Germans by the way) and i had so much energy! i ran people into the ground! I don't know, i just know that this will not be my last fight! i know what to expect now walking into the ring. And lets face it. If i fought again could they pair me up with someone that is 7kg heavier, a foot taller and 15 inc bigger reach again? I mean by all accounts he should have at least knocked me out!!! I would be quite annoyed if i was that much bigger and didn't do any damage to the other person! hahahah but that's just me being petty... .i wouldn't have wanted it any other way. Just like i said before i even knew who i was fighting! I love the David vs Goliath thing....Anyway hes a nice guy and was a true gent after he won and I'm glad that if i had to lose to someone it was him.... My wife gave me great support on the night and after she was a real star too..... She helped me a lot and I'm glad she was there to watch even if i did lose!

So back to reality and regular work weeks.. at least i have my baby boy to look forward too! That will be my enjoyment from now on! I want to keep up the fitness aspect of everything so am starting back in the gym from tomorrow.... Ive had bar the fight a couple of weeks off now! So ill continue doing the gym at lunch every day and my football. Once the beginning of the baby thing is out the way ill go back to the boxing and maybe try for another fight!!!!


Tuesday, September 14, 2010

2 days left!

Day 83

With all said and done and the day of my last boxing session before fight night on Friday i honestly can say I'm ready! I'm raring to go.. the pain in my neck still hasn't subsided but the rush i get every time i think about Friday takes it away in a flash..(plus the heaps of tiger balm!) I'm done talking now! I want my fists to do the rest. Prob wont really post much more in the run up... Will def give a full summery the day after... Tomorrow i will just have a relaxing day. Need to go for our last doc appointment before the baby is born. Get Keryn looking tip top by taking her the the hair dressers. We have her dress already sorted. Hopefully she wont need anything else! Everybody has their tickets.. The adrenaline rushing through me all the time is unbelievable.. God knows what I'm gonna be like on Friday! I feel like i could run a marathon then do another one straight after just for fun! My focus is down! Loving it! cant wait! Speak to you soon! ! ! !!!! xxxxx


Monday, September 13, 2010

Still in Pain! + Apology...

Day 83

Right something is going on! Not only is my neck still hurting but i slammed my finger in the washrooms window! I must have stepped on a crack or let a black cat cross my path! Either that or i have suddenly been warped into a basil faulty set and will soon see a no English speaking waiter come running past! The tiger balm has come out and i have now got 2 of these Panadol patches on my neck.... I went to the gym today and had a little run which was fine and then i went into the pool and just floated for a while. This seemed to help a bit. I also went into the sauna for a bit to get some heat into it...

By the way its come to my attention... well shall i say i have been told that people have taken offence to the words used in my blog.... I'm sorry if i have offended you with what Ive said, to be fair i didn't think anyone was reading this ....i do however work for i.f.s. and should have known better as i am also representing my company as this is in the public domain... I have tried to write what ever has come into my head while writing this to fully convey what I'm going through. I didn't think there was much point in writing a shopping list style blog as that would be boring, and my rants are how I'm feeling at the time. Even though the training has been hard, whats been even harder is the mental side of it. Constantly pushing yourself and beating previous targets. Having no chance to relax. A constant everyday battle with not drinking, smoking and eating what i want i think has made me insane! Even on the odd day i haven't trained and tried to relax Ive had to watch others gorging themselves on booze and food!..I have that f.o.m.o. massively..for anyone how doesn't listen to Scott miles that's : fear of missing out! And being (some what) sane i have to vent my anger somewhere and have used this as an outlet for my raw emotions. Had i not i would have taken them out in an even more inappropriate place. While writing this i think about stuff and people that have annoyed me, and sometimes profanity comes out!! Plus i hardly ever mean what i say, i just say it for effect!!!lol

I am however sorry for my language and i should be old enough now to know better....

Anyway with fight night only 3 days away and 1 last boxing session (if I'm fit enough) I'm really starting to warm to the idea of fighting! I've had lots of dreams about Friday in the last couple of days.. really vivid dreams. Like I'm actually there and its taken away some of the nerves i had. I no longer care whats gonna happen and am just going to relish every moment I'm there! I'm not gonna think about the outcome. I don't want to let the night rush past me like i did with the weigh in! I'm really looking forward. Its strange days are going past really slowly. Like my body knows something really big is coming up. Like the calm before the storm. I can never really think about much else for longer than two minute until a thought about the fight comes into my head. Ive played the fight over in my head 20-30 times....Apart from my neck i feel so ready! I can not wait! COME ON!

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Ouch my neck...

Day 81+82

I cant believe ive given myself a rest and while laying in the pool on Sunday i managed to pull a muscle in my neck... What is going on! I had to go to physio in the afternoon... He said it should be ok by Friday but i shouldnt train! So what do i do now! I can hardly move my head... im not happy...back and neck are strange injuries... sometimes they take days, sometimes they take weeks or months....What am i going to do? All this effort and training and i get injured doing nothing right at the end! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ...gonna go relax in the pool at lunch see if that helps. Hopefully i dont hurt myself again! Sauna for an hour too....

More to follow!

Friday, September 10, 2010

Last Saturday Session

Day 79+80

The last Saturday training session today. I'm gonna miss it so much... I really want to keep this up after i finish. Probably a couple of weeks rest and then i will join up so i can go Saturday and Sunday mornings at least of at turf city...No Proper training on request from Alexis since Tuesday.... So it was nice to rock it out in the gym at 8 till 10am this morning. No Joel Carpenter in sight! I don't know why. Maybe he knew there was no sparring and was gonna do his own thing..Quite a few of the boys weren't there actually so maybe it wasn't that strange. I felt absolutely brilliant at training! I had power and work rate and stamina!!!! All multiplied by the lay off! I think i might have got this spot on coming up to the last week! I need to hit peak form by this coming Friday..So footy this afternoon, surfing tomorrow, boxing Monday and Wednesday and a big run on Tuesday...Thursday nothing, and obviously Friday fight... I'm guessing Friday i will not really need to get myself in the mood! i think the 1500 people sat there will be able to do that for me! You know where you are driving along in a car and you go over a small bridge really fast. you're stomach goes up and down and you get that giddy feeling. that's the feeling I'm getting atm every time i think about stepping out on fight night! The first fight of the night as well! i know people have said that the girls fight is gonna be amazing, but i tell you what : mine isn't gonna be too bad either!!!!!! I think Joel is a very good fighter. As i said in previous posts and actually in the odds i gave before the weigh in. Actually i made him so high odds as i thought he was too good for me to fight. I don't know whether to take that as a compliment or just as they want me to lose. But as Alexis (our head coach) had told all the other trainers weeks ago that he wanted to be in my corner for the fight, i cant see it being anything else but the he told me today when i asked him what i should do: "just go out and punch hard! you're good enough! that's all you need to remember!"
So belief is all i need. Something that outsiders wouldn't for a second think that i didn't have. But that's where again everybody thinks they know me. Its a shield. The overconfidence isn't me being cocky. its a shield cas i don't want people to get close. Ca's if people cant get close they cant hurt me. I prefer people to not like me. That way i cant be duped into thinking they are my friend and that way they cant ever hurt me.... Maybe one day i will take advice given to me years ago and stop trying so hard to impress. Just be myself and don't care what people think..But its hard to change the habit of a life time. its hard not to be YOU!!!!!!!!
Anyway enough of this sentimental stuff! lol Back to business.. Back to positive mental attitude. I am ready! I am confident! I am a winner! It will be very hard. But i wouldn't want it any other way! If you beat up a little guy, then all you have done is beat up a little guy. If you lose against a little guy, you have lost against a little guy. The pressure is not on me. I'm the outsider! That's what i want. David vs Goliath... people get told that story in school. The movies convey that in every Hollywood story since the dawn of time! And come Friday 17th September they will have another story. Another chapter, and another hero!


Peace out!

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Joel " ice cold" Carpenter

Day 78

So the weigh in certainly pulled up some surprises! Personally I think the biggest one was my fight! And if you had put money on it yesterday you would be a rich man right now!
Joel "ice cold"carpenter....79kg , 182cm and cut like a steak as Colin Murray off fighting talk would say... Really didn't think i would be fighting him and he is so much bigger and heavier than me.... Plus the fact we have been sparring together all the way through the training which means we kinda know each other inside out. Is that good or not i don't know. I'm definitely feeling strange about this whole thing now. I'm actually gonna fight! Its finally sunk in that that's what this has all been about. I wouldn't say I'm nervous its more of a feeling of anticipation.... i Just want it to be over now. My wife keeps on saying that i should keep all this exercise up after the fight cas i look really good atm... that's gonna be hard as its been really hard work!
I don't know what else to say... For once I've actually got nothing to say..I'm stumped! I cant have trained any harder as I've said. I wanted a good opponent....which i have! A very good one! Really nice lad as well! Lot of respect for him. Looks mean as hell! Breath! Concentrate! Remember what you have learned. Use the force!

Football tonight! Not gonna go at it too hard, need to stay injury free! just using it for fitness!

peace out!

Please i just found out that this thing has spell check!!! Get in! My spelling is atrocious!